would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
