I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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