im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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