Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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