Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
