One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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