Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
