I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
