Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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