plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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