I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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