whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
