Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize