idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
