YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
