my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
