Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
