I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize