all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
