so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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