I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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