my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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