I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
