This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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