Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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