Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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