know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize