i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
