Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
