my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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