He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
