and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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