Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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