just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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