Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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