There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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