I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
