Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
