Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
