Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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