Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
