but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
