peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is Oprah even human
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize