SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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