I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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