opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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