Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
