also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
