2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
