Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
