how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
