Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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