I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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