Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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