Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
