Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
