drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
