i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A+ Viking dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
