Christians are straight up FREAKS
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
