words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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