I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
