C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
