A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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