i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
