Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
