i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
