i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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