is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
