I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
