I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
