oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
