piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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