i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize