Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
