i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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